6.05.2007

Part Three - Small Talk


Part Three - Small Talk

The wind was blowing softly that afternoon. I was out from work and didn't feel like going back home anytime soon. Wanted to be out a bit, do something different, find amusement in having
ice cream by the pier. Tried to reach Freddy at home but he just wouldn't pick up the phone, he was somewhere out there and didn't give a damn to what I was all about... Or did he? I couldn't care, not that particular moment. As I walked down Palisades Park, the ocean line seemed thinner to me, as if someone had taken the light beams from the sun being set and let the ocean just fade... I was just watching the sun going down and reached for the pen and notebook inside of my purse for a quick inspiration had rushed into my system.
.
I needed those quiet moments alone.
The paper in hand, the wind blowing, the soft skin of my lower lip bitten. Tears running down my face.
.
"I don't have it easy my friend. I don't wait too long for things to come and I have in fact forgotten how it feels to dream in such a child-like way that everything fades under my feet. I'm sorry for that, can't do it any longer. Life has passed too quickly in many ways I couldn't even pace it. Couldn't notice, or worse than this, it has been noticed but not taken care of. The sea is my friend. The city, never sleeps just like me. The sand is quick to form, quick to unmake, quick to release its smells and colors. I'm just like that. I'm quick to do all of it but can't manage life as it comes and nothing has ever been made to turn things around... I don't know why I even try. I don't know why I write and that makes me get to simple conclusion: if there's no reason there's not ONE solution. There are plenty of plagues eating my soul, plenty of sparkles on the icy blueish waves upon that sea... there's much more to this lie then I thought it would be...
.
My hands are in a rhythm I can't cope with, the words flow from the bottom of this wicked heart till it reaches the tips of my cracked-skinned hands. I loathe this feeling, this insecurity that's part of who lives inside of me, I presume..."
.
By then I felt I wasn't alone. I was sat near the pier and the stars were shinning bright in the dark sky, deep black night all around me but there was someone else close enough to make me worry. As I stood up I heard some steps and as I turned around, wiping the tears from my face I found that same guy I had met at the new year's eve party in the huge Hollywood hills' mansion. Ethan was surprised to find me. .
-Howdy! - didn't he lose his Texan ways when he became a Hollywood hunk? - Never knew I'd find interesting people over here... - I was confused, still cleaning my face and hiding the paper from him, keeping it inside of my purse. - For a fact if I knew that I'd come here more often... -How are you, Mr. Hawke? Managed to sleep later that night? .
I couldn't let go of my craving for sarcastic mannerisms. Why do I act like that with men? He got really close to me and pretended I hadn't asked anything.
.
-Well, why are you sobbing? Is everything good? - I looked the other way as he'd keep his eyes on me - am I being too nosy?
-No, you're not nosy!
-Good... so?
-I'm just sad. Don't you worry. So, what your doing here?
-Am walking... you?
-Writing.
-Really?
-Yep.
-Good...
-I like to come here and watch the sundown...
-But you haven't today, have you?
-I had, why?
-You were too busy writing to see it!
-Well, I wrote after the sun was down...
-Impossible!
-Why!?
-It JUST went down, this second!
-You were here?
-Yeah!
-All the time?
-Yes...
-You were WATCHING me?
-Hmm... yes...
-What!?
-No! I wasn't watching you... I was around!
.
He laughed and I couldn't help but laugh with him. Couldn't believe he was there all the time! That thought just made my cheeks burn and i kept staring at the sea. His eyes were now searching for bright stars.
.
-So, wanna do something?
-Like what? Don't you have kids to take care of?
-Why don't you get off my neck?
-What?
-My kids are alright! Remember, they have a mother also... they're better off than their old man, my father wasn't around at all!
-Oh, I know about that!
-You do?
-Yeah, I read the international movie database Ethan Hawke's profile! Ha!
-Smarty!
-That's me.
-So, shall we?
-What?
-Do something, Iris!
-Oh... - I really didn't know if I should say yes, I mean... I had to go home, get a shower
or at least wash my face cause i was feeling heavy and useless but instead I just said...- okay!
.
The night is a child as they say, and hating small talk the way I do it was surprising to feel the warmth I felt in my chest as we walked away from everything and just appreciated the company. He seemed a very nice guy.