Part One - The New Year's Eve

Part One - The New Year's Eve

It was probably a few minutes after midnight.

Everybody was making awful happy noises. Everybody was so cheerful and the fireworks were annoying me. It was relatively cold and the people hanging out weren't always fun to be with. I had Ethan Hawke's book in my purse, Ash Wednesday. I had read it over and over for the last months. It was a good thing to do when all I wanted to do was nothing. I was dressed in a black tight dress and feeling awkward as usual. My hands were cold from the weather but I didn't mind much. I wish that all that I had to do was sit and stare at the waves and its foam, making drawings on the light sand in the beach. The view was fantastic! I didn't know what I was doing there. I had been invited to this party so I could enjoy my new year's eve alongside my movie friends, the ones that were struggling to actually be in this business anyway. I was in a party at a Columbia executive's house and I couldn't care less. I guess I can't find amusement when all I can do is to feel lonely and scared for really being alone.

I decided to get me another glass of pink champagne while people were laughing already drunk in the endless and countless rooms in that old mansion. I sat by the porch, at least I thought it was a porch, and took a deep breath preventing myself from crying and wanting to go away. It was when I heard a heavy cough and I turned around to see who it was that was so close to me when I thought I was alone.

-Hey! - A guy in his late thirties with his hands in front of his face had his eyes all red, trying to speak as he'd cough even harder. - Sorry! Cough! Cough! Hey there...

I didn't recognize him at first, I thought it was quite disgusting the way he'd try to speak and cough at the same time. I started to feel bad for the poor guy and got closer to help him. As I got near him he put his hand on my shoulder, leaning over me and suddenly his coughing disappeared as he'd now struggle to wipe those coughing tears out of his face. I was scared for him, that he would collapse or something and his face started to look familiar. I always carry tissue paper in my purse so I figured it would help him. He got the paper from my hands, cleaned his face and started laughing as he stood up, showing he was a little taller than me and spoke.

-Sorry about that! Think I didn't cause a good first impression, huh!!
-Don't bother! I don't mind, really. That was actually the funniest thing that happened tonight...
-Oh! I'm glad I entertained you!
-You hell did!
-Ha! I'm glad I could help... Hey, my name's Ethan, - he shook my hand and I finally knew for sure it was Ethan Hawke in front of me- nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you too, my name's Iris.
-Pretty name... But you're not from here, are you?
-Not really, I'm Brazilian!
-Wow! I don't know any Brazilians!
-Well, you know one now!
-So you told me earlier I was the funniest thing that happened tonight, why's that? You're not having fun?
-Not really... - I was a little high from all the champagne I had had, it had been a long time since the last time I was drunk I’d lost track of it... – People here seem to be plastic sometimes… I mean, I’ve met interesting people but they all seem to want something, something more than I can give.

He stood there and I couldn’t understand why I was saying all that. It was one of those things that just popped out of my mouth, without any reasoning or thinking first. He seemed to be enjoying chatting with me.

-And what is it that you can’t give them?
-What?
-That thing you were just saying… You mentioned they seem to want more than you can give them, what is it?
-It’s easier for me to tell you what I CAN actually give…
-Okay… What is it?
-What I can give?
-Yeah!
-I don’t know…
-You DON’T know? But you just said it’d be easier!
-Why am I having this conversation with you, Mr. Hawke? Aren’t you supposed to be looking for a nice young and posh girl so the paparazzo can take new pics of you?
-What?
-Aren’t you supposed to just be your own pretty self and get out of here with some dignity and just leave this poor Brazilian alone? I’m not gonna answer any other question…

I was amused by the lack of consideration I was having towards myself. I turned my backs to him and kept staring at the sea. He didn’t say a word, the poor guy was speechless. As all these thoughts about how stupid I was came to my head I heard his voice again but couldn’t understand what he was trying to say. So I turned around and faced him. Now I could take a proper look at his figure. He was wearing a black suit, ridiculous grey shirt that would shine in the dark. I was so sorry for his sense of fashion, probably because I had none but it seemed to me he had grabbed the first pair of pants he saw in his closet and then took the least worn shirt he had and put it on. He had nice and smooth hair falling over his face. The prettiest blue eyes I had ever seen. Just like in the movies. I smiled and he stopped speaking smiling back at me.

-Please, Ethan, I’m sorry, what were you saying?
-You didn’t hear anything?
-No!
-Oh! Too bad, I’m not gonna say it again!
-Oh! No! Please, don’t do that to me! Tell me what the hell did you just say?
-Don’t come with that temper on me now! – He turned around and walked to the edge of the porch leaning over to watch the beach. – I don’t mind you didn’t hear me but I won’t say it again…
-Oh Ethan, you’re mean!
-Not as much as you, dear!

He was looking down and I was looking at him. The years had passed him by. He was looking much older than I thought he’d and that wasn’t bad at all, it was delicious. It felt good to me in those brief minutes of conversation, the way he looked good being exactly as old as he was and showing more aging than he should be. Everybody would expect so much from him, a necessity to always take care of his skin, his body and his wrinkles but he was so comfortable with them that it was beautiful. He noticed my eyes all over him and suddenly I gold cold as stone again.

-Are you hanging a little longer...

I didn’t even answer anything, I just walked through the varanda’s door and walked down the stairs. He didn’t understand me, he thought it was brazilian mannerisms that were anti-social oriented! I looked for one of my friends, the one that had given me a ride but couldn’t find him anywhere. I bumped into another actors on my way out and asked Eric Bana if he knew where my buddy Freddy was, I knew they were friends and he told me Freddy was probably outside with the drunk guys singing Shakira…

As I walked out of the mansion trying to find my friend Ethan’s voice was trying to get my attention. He was still on the second floor, in the varanda holding my… purse!

-Hey there! Brazilian! You forgot something!

He had this “I won” smile on his face and I was about to curse and forsake the day I had accepted to go to that stupid party!

-Throw it down to me!
-No, I won’t! You have to get upstairs so I can give it to ya’!
-ETHAN! Don’t play hard to get!
-No! No! You’re doing that!

By that moment everybody was staring at me and him and listening to our little argument. I was freezing, angry and he was sparkling cheerful! He was enjoying that scene. My friend took my arm and whispered in my ear.

-Iris! Are you fucking mad! Don’t make me look ridiculous here, I brought you to this party!
-I know! I hate you for that!
-Go get your purse and let’s get out of here!

As he let go of my arm and I walked back into the house I saw Ethan coming downstairs. He handed me my purse and smiled.

-I saw you read my book.
-You did? So you like looking into early met girl’s purses a lot?
-Ha! I can’t beat ya’, can I?
-Nah…
-So, it’s goodnight then!
-Yeah, goodnight! Don’t stay up too late!
-I won’t… got some kids to take care of!

I waved him bye bye and walked away. I went out with my friend and didn’t see anyone staring at me anymore. They were all back to the process of getting heavily drunk and stoned. Hollywood style.