Part Six - The lonely way back home

Part Six - The lonely way back home

I thought it was all a storm in a teacup but what could I say? I'm not the easy-going person I wish I were sometimes, besides I really couldn't explore him like that, he was trying to be so nice to me but someday he'd definitely throw it back at me... Or so I thought. We drove half the way in silence. It was so quiet and I didn't have any sound system in my old car which made this silence unbearable. He was a little mad but I could feel the tension vanishing from him as we were getting closer to the pier. I felt I had to do something. If Mr. Ethan Hawke is just as stubborn as myself none of us would even try to fix this situation, ever! So I had to act, quickly. Taking a deep breath as I parked the car turning the engine off and before he'd say anything, I did.

-Okay, sorry about that, can I actually use some of your kindness?

I looked at him completely ashamed of what I made him feel like. The man was really a kind person and I should never doubt about his intentions, at all. He opened his mouth showing he was about to say something but I went on with my little speech after sitting on my legs to look into his eyes properly.

-Wait... Let me continue. I really feel bad for that and you should know that I have this tendency to be suspicious about any and every form of nice gesture any man shows me, you know? I've been the... tough one, from day one and I can't even tell you how many times all these incredible men that showed in my life wanted to kill me for that! I didn't want to make you feel uneasy or... uptight, but that's how I react. But a reaction ain't quite the most... honest thing that could come from me, you know? I can be myself, I, I could really be myself with you, I just gotta know you better, you see?

He was paying attention to every single thing I was saying. He was practically laying on this old Chevy passenger seat, scratching his forehead and following every word I'd say, following each different look in my face and that made me feel comfortable enough to trust him. Now I could say that, I trusted him.

-I know it won't change things but I want you to know I now... trust you.

Silence.

Now I was silent because I ran out of beautiful and touching things to say and because the emotional me that was on had suddenly switched off leaving me with these confusing thoughts that were so familiar and now were about to crush my confidence once again. Ethan was still looking to me, following each movement, each different thing that would happen to my facial features. He wasn't missing a thing.

Suddenly he looked away and that forced me to look away as well. He turned back at me again and fixed the way he was sitting, trying to find a position which made him get closer to me, then he said:

-Iris, come on... It's okay. I think I know what you're saying, but sometimes you gotta just take it easy you know. No one will ever harm you if you don't want them to, you know?

-Yes...
-Just let me do this one thing right for you, you'll see I'm a nice guy, okay?
-Sure...
-Alright then. Here, you'll take my cellphone and you'll call your dad. Quickly because they're probably leaving by now. Do it.

He handed me the phone and I called the airplane company. I finally could speak to my father, telling him he should wait for a guy not me when he finally arrived L.A. airport. He was a bit confused but I told him we should be quick in our chat, after all I didn't want to abuse Ethan's kindness...

I gave the phone back to him and thanked him for that.

-Now I have this amazing story to tell my grandchildren...
-What story?
-The one of this beautiful Hollywood hunk being such a gentleman in such a lonely night as this.
-It wasn't lonely at all, was it?
-Nah.
-It was great. We had quite a laugh in the airport.
-We did. And I had many moral lessons from you!
-Oh Iris! After all I'm older! Let me feel like the responsible dumb ass just for tonight...
-You definitely are.
-Well, you're saying that because you don't really know me.
-Ay... I knew it! You see?
-What?
-I gotta know you better!
-You sure have to.

We both stopped talking and looked away, couldn't face each other any longer. It was late and he finally got his stuff and opened the door stepping out of the car. I went out as well, to say good-bye walking towards him. He pulled me closer holding me and we stayed there for a few seconds. These were the moments I could ask to last a bit longer. By the time we were done, he said bye bye and walked to his car.

I stayed there watching him walking slowly, opening the door and sitting, but it didn't take too long for him to get out again and call my name.

-Iris! Wait. I don't know where I have to take your father tomorrow morning!
-Oh, it's true! Let me write my address to you.

I got a piece of paper from my notebook and wrote my address to him, my phone number and the name of my roommate in case he needed to talk to me and couldn't find me.

-Here it is. I'll leave my spare keys with you so you can give them to my father when you bring him home, okay?
-Now you're trusting me way too much! Ha!
-See? I'm getting better at this. Now, don't you think that all the mess from the condo is mine! My roommate, Freddy is the messy one!
-Freddy... What's his last name?
-Belden. He's British but has lived in L.A. almost his entire life. He's a bit older than me.
-I know that guy. He's good friends with a huge friend of mine, Bob. The one that owns the house you were in the New Year's eve.
-Wow! I didn't know that... But now that you said it, it's all making sense to me...
-What's making sense?
-He gave me your phone number!
-He did? Why? You asked for it?
-No, I did not! He saw us talking that night and he thought it would be a nice gesture, I guess. To bring us closer.

He smiled and put the keys and paper inside his pocket and spoke again.

-Well, now I really must leave.
-Yep, go ahead and thank you again for everything.
-You're more than welcome, go inside your car, I'll wait for you like a gentleman.
-Okay, okay.

I went in, shut the door and waved to him. He went to his car and I left. The way back home was so cold and lonely but I felt better than ever and had all these things to tell him that were stuck in my throat, things that he'd perhaps love to hear. I wish I only had the guts.

Got home and Freddy was already sleeping tight. I went to my bed and didn't even change my clothes.

*pic from here

Part Five - So now what?

Part Five - So now what?

It was about ten o'clock and we were hushing into the airport so I could pick my daddy up. It was a Thursday night and I thought the airport would be half empty but it was packed. Lots of flights coming from Europe were late. Something about the strange weather in the Barcelona area that made more than thirty flying machines wait for the right moment to take off. We both got there out of breath and sweaty! Didn't expect that delay.

-That's what happens when you don't have a sound system in you car that tunes radio stations... You never know what's going on!

The worry about my father had become a ticking bomb, didn't feel like having any moral lessons from Ethan.

-You know what... I have to know what's going on because I had no idea it'd happen, could you please stay quiet?

He opened his eyes in shock moving away from me as I passed with some difficulty amongst the hundreds of people waiting everywhere for their late flights. I turned back and yelled at him to stay there that I'd be back in a moment. He just heard me and leaned over the cafe counter. I reached the airlines desk and asked if the flight my father was supposed to catch was late or if it was still in Spain, the mindless receptionist was taking to long to check the flight and I was getting more worried about Ethan waiting me that about my father really. It wasn't the first time he was giving me a bad time and surely wouldn't be the last time. At least the guy found out that the flight my father was getting on hadn't left Barcelona yet. I took a deep breath and asked how long would it be, sincerely, for the flight to make it.

-I'm sorry miss, probably around tomorrow morning!
-Tomorrow morning!?

I was so mad! I had to work tomorrow morning! How was I supposed to tell my dad I wasn't picking him up? He'd have a heart attack! Noticing my exhilaration Ethan walked to me and tried to catch on our little argument.

-Sir, do you know how my father is? Do you have ANY idea on what he's capable of doing if he doesn't find me here tomorrow morning? I work tomorrow morning! This stinks!
-Wait up, Iris, I can get your dad tomorrow morning...
-I didn't finish, Ethan! Sir, would you PLEASE get me a way to contact my father, a telephone number, anything. He's such a pig head he never wanted a cell phone... You WHAT Ethan?

In the middle of my crude words I could barely understand what Ethan had just proposed. He was being such a gentile and delicate person, as a good old Brazilian gal I was getting suspicious.

- I said I can pick you father tomorrow morning. If you plan on keeping your job anyway.

I was shocked by his words and I needed some time to think. The receptionist was overwhelmed by all the demands everyone around him and having a big glass of water he asked me if he still needed the telephone number so I could reach my dad. Quickly and deadly I answered:

-Of course I want it! Fast!

Ethan started laughing and making me feel uncomfortably warm. I wanted to laugh with him, my hands were shaking and I had never seen so many people in the airport like that before...

-What are you laughing at... Stop it!

I was saying over and over again, - Stop! Stop it Ethan! STOP! - but it didn't matter he would just laugh harder holding himself to the counter so he wouldn't fall off from such an urge to laugh at me. By then I started to laugh just as hard as him and we both kept laughing. The receptionist came back with the number written down in a small piece of paper with the name of the person I was supposed to talk with but he just couldn't talk to us, we were still laughing... Angry he inserted the small paper inside Ethan's pocket in his black jacket and left. Just to make things worse Ethan started to mimic the poor guy catching everybody else's attention. His name was being whispered throughout the corridors, "isn't that the Hollywood actor?", "Ethan... Hawke, right?" bla bla bla.... It sopped being funny. We looked to each other and without a word went back to the parking lot, afraid someone would follow us asking for his autograph.

Inside the car I started the engine wiping the tears off of my eyes since I had put my loins out from so much laughter. Ethan didn't fasten the passenger's seat belt and I couldn't miss the joke.

-Don't you dare risk yourself like that! Who said I'm that good at driving this piece of metal?
-Ay, let me be fast or you'll kill me just like you almost did with that poor receptionist!
-Yeah, I'll give you a heart attack!
-Yeah yeah... weren't you supposed to call your dad now?
-Yes I'm but I can't afford this call... Must get home to reach him.
-No, no, call him with my cell phone, go ahead.
-What? No, Ethan. You've done too much for me already.
-I have not. Just do it okay?
-I won't.
-Iris!
-No.
-I'm fucking telling you to do it! It will be too late, how will he know I'm picking him up tomorrow?
-You're not picking him up tomorrow.
-I thought you had agreed on that!
-What? No I haven't.
-So how will you do it? huh? Tell me.
-I don't know...
-Iris.
-What?
-Stop the car.
-What?
-Would you please stop the car?

We were getting in the highway and pulled over. He was obviously a little angry but I couldn't just accept everything he wanted me to, I couldn't let him do things for me like that, it wasn't like we were old time buddies and all.

-What do you want, Ethan?
-I want you to please accept these things.
-What can I do? I can't abuse you!
-You're not doing that.
-Wait, Ethan. Look, you're a famous guy and all, right?
-So?
-If I just go ahead and accept all these nice things you're doing to me people will say I'm a... a... how can I call it?
-A what for crissakes?
-A beggar!
-WHAT?
-Yeah, I don't want anyone thinking I'm using you. You don't know me! How come you want to pick my daddy at the airport? Only, friends or lovers do that!
-So, what do you need? A friends proposal? A signed contract?
-No!
-Why would you care with what everybody thinks? You left that party because you hated the snobby shit people that were hanging there, why would my so called-fame bother you? I don't get it, Iris!
-It's not bothering me...
-It is! And you know, you're right! Just leave me where you found me, we don't even need to exchange phone numbers anymore.
-What?
-You heard me, I'm the one that's not willing to help you any longer. I didn't know it was hard for one to believe I'm a decent guy.
-I believe in you, Ethan!
-It seems like every goddamn woman I bump into is a suspicious minded little girl. All you women are little girls.... Can't stand that. Bad night to go out anyways.

We both kept in silence for a while. Wasn't expecting that reaction coming from him just like he probably wasn't expecting the reaction I had prior. He was mad and i was sorry but there was nothing I could do.

-Won't you fucking turn the engine on? Do you want me to drive?

I just drove off and thought to myself, "so now what?"....

Part One - The New Year's Eve

Part One - The New Year's Eve

It was probably a few minutes after midnight.

Everybody was making awful happy noises. Everybody was so cheerful and the fireworks were annoying me. It was relatively cold and the people hanging out weren't always fun to be with. I had Ethan Hawke's book in my purse, Ash Wednesday. I had read it over and over for the last months. It was a good thing to do when all I wanted to do was nothing. I was dressed in a black tight dress and feeling awkward as usual. My hands were cold from the weather but I didn't mind much. I wish that all that I had to do was sit and stare at the waves and its foam, making drawings on the light sand in the beach. The view was fantastic! I didn't know what I was doing there. I had been invited to this party so I could enjoy my new year's eve alongside my movie friends, the ones that were struggling to actually be in this business anyway. I was in a party at a Columbia executive's house and I couldn't care less. I guess I can't find amusement when all I can do is to feel lonely and scared for really being alone.

I decided to get me another glass of pink champagne while people were laughing already drunk in the endless and countless rooms in that old mansion. I sat by the porch, at least I thought it was a porch, and took a deep breath preventing myself from crying and wanting to go away. It was when I heard a heavy cough and I turned around to see who it was that was so close to me when I thought I was alone.

-Hey! - A guy in his late thirties with his hands in front of his face had his eyes all red, trying to speak as he'd cough even harder. - Sorry! Cough! Cough! Hey there...

I didn't recognize him at first, I thought it was quite disgusting the way he'd try to speak and cough at the same time. I started to feel bad for the poor guy and got closer to help him. As I got near him he put his hand on my shoulder, leaning over me and suddenly his coughing disappeared as he'd now struggle to wipe those coughing tears out of his face. I was scared for him, that he would collapse or something and his face started to look familiar. I always carry tissue paper in my purse so I figured it would help him. He got the paper from my hands, cleaned his face and started laughing as he stood up, showing he was a little taller than me and spoke.

-Sorry about that! Think I didn't cause a good first impression, huh!!
-Don't bother! I don't mind, really. That was actually the funniest thing that happened tonight...
-Oh! I'm glad I entertained you!
-You hell did!
-Ha! I'm glad I could help... Hey, my name's Ethan, - he shook my hand and I finally knew for sure it was Ethan Hawke in front of me- nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you too, my name's Iris.
-Pretty name... But you're not from here, are you?
-Not really, I'm Brazilian!
-Wow! I don't know any Brazilians!
-Well, you know one now!
-So you told me earlier I was the funniest thing that happened tonight, why's that? You're not having fun?
-Not really... - I was a little high from all the champagne I had had, it had been a long time since the last time I was drunk I’d lost track of it... – People here seem to be plastic sometimes… I mean, I’ve met interesting people but they all seem to want something, something more than I can give.

He stood there and I couldn’t understand why I was saying all that. It was one of those things that just popped out of my mouth, without any reasoning or thinking first. He seemed to be enjoying chatting with me.

-And what is it that you can’t give them?
-What?
-That thing you were just saying… You mentioned they seem to want more than you can give them, what is it?
-It’s easier for me to tell you what I CAN actually give…
-Okay… What is it?
-What I can give?
-Yeah!
-I don’t know…
-You DON’T know? But you just said it’d be easier!
-Why am I having this conversation with you, Mr. Hawke? Aren’t you supposed to be looking for a nice young and posh girl so the paparazzo can take new pics of you?
-What?
-Aren’t you supposed to just be your own pretty self and get out of here with some dignity and just leave this poor Brazilian alone? I’m not gonna answer any other question…

I was amused by the lack of consideration I was having towards myself. I turned my backs to him and kept staring at the sea. He didn’t say a word, the poor guy was speechless. As all these thoughts about how stupid I was came to my head I heard his voice again but couldn’t understand what he was trying to say. So I turned around and faced him. Now I could take a proper look at his figure. He was wearing a black suit, ridiculous grey shirt that would shine in the dark. I was so sorry for his sense of fashion, probably because I had none but it seemed to me he had grabbed the first pair of pants he saw in his closet and then took the least worn shirt he had and put it on. He had nice and smooth hair falling over his face. The prettiest blue eyes I had ever seen. Just like in the movies. I smiled and he stopped speaking smiling back at me.

-Please, Ethan, I’m sorry, what were you saying?
-You didn’t hear anything?
-No!
-Oh! Too bad, I’m not gonna say it again!
-Oh! No! Please, don’t do that to me! Tell me what the hell did you just say?
-Don’t come with that temper on me now! – He turned around and walked to the edge of the porch leaning over to watch the beach. – I don’t mind you didn’t hear me but I won’t say it again…
-Oh Ethan, you’re mean!
-Not as much as you, dear!

He was looking down and I was looking at him. The years had passed him by. He was looking much older than I thought he’d and that wasn’t bad at all, it was delicious. It felt good to me in those brief minutes of conversation, the way he looked good being exactly as old as he was and showing more aging than he should be. Everybody would expect so much from him, a necessity to always take care of his skin, his body and his wrinkles but he was so comfortable with them that it was beautiful. He noticed my eyes all over him and suddenly I gold cold as stone again.

-Are you hanging a little longer...

I didn’t even answer anything, I just walked through the varanda’s door and walked down the stairs. He didn’t understand me, he thought it was brazilian mannerisms that were anti-social oriented! I looked for one of my friends, the one that had given me a ride but couldn’t find him anywhere. I bumped into another actors on my way out and asked Eric Bana if he knew where my buddy Freddy was, I knew they were friends and he told me Freddy was probably outside with the drunk guys singing Shakira…

As I walked out of the mansion trying to find my friend Ethan’s voice was trying to get my attention. He was still on the second floor, in the varanda holding my… purse!

-Hey there! Brazilian! You forgot something!

He had this “I won” smile on his face and I was about to curse and forsake the day I had accepted to go to that stupid party!

-Throw it down to me!
-No, I won’t! You have to get upstairs so I can give it to ya’!
-ETHAN! Don’t play hard to get!
-No! No! You’re doing that!

By that moment everybody was staring at me and him and listening to our little argument. I was freezing, angry and he was sparkling cheerful! He was enjoying that scene. My friend took my arm and whispered in my ear.

-Iris! Are you fucking mad! Don’t make me look ridiculous here, I brought you to this party!
-I know! I hate you for that!
-Go get your purse and let’s get out of here!

As he let go of my arm and I walked back into the house I saw Ethan coming downstairs. He handed me my purse and smiled.

-I saw you read my book.
-You did? So you like looking into early met girl’s purses a lot?
-Ha! I can’t beat ya’, can I?
-Nah…
-So, it’s goodnight then!
-Yeah, goodnight! Don’t stay up too late!
-I won’t… got some kids to take care of!

I waved him bye bye and walked away. I went out with my friend and didn’t see anyone staring at me anymore. They were all back to the process of getting heavily drunk and stoned. Hollywood style.